Congratulations llnk

Kai Spammer Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 8681

llnk is going to be a father so lets all raise our glasses. Smile

Kai Beginner Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 13

Many Congratulations to both llnk and His Lady
May the three of you be the happiest new family around

Three Cheers
Hip Hip - Horay
hip Hip - Horay
Hip Hip - Horay

Cheers dude...

Just Keep you head up - and thinks will be so good for ya Smile

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

Thanks morty. I'm in quite a sticky situation. The pregnancy was very unexpected... Tami and I have only known each other for 2 months... but I'm completely crazy about this girl.

I told my parents about the pregnancy yesterday and they're thrilled about it. They have always wanted to be grandparents. Tami's parents aren't too happy about the situation understandably. She is 21 years old (I'm 2 Cool

and she has very judgmental, controlling, devote catholic parents. We spent the whole weekend talking to them about the situation that we're in.

Tami's parents have decided that it would be best if she and I were temporarily separated. She was raised in a small town called Nelson which is a 9 hour drive from Vancouver. Tami is going to go back to Nelson for up to 2 months so she "can make amends with her parents" and "get her life back on track". Her parents strongly believe that separation through email correspondence and telephone conversations will allow us to get to know each other through an intellectual level.

My position was that Tami and I need to be together (in Vancouver) so we can decide for ourselves if we're ready for marriage. In a desperate effort to keep Tami in Vancouver, I had proposed to her but she turned me down. Tami really doesn't want to force me into marriage.

I would write more but I'm rather drunk. I just said my goodbyes to Tami a couple of hours ago. It is going to be a long 2 months and any advice/support would be much appreciated.

Thanks for listening to my drama.

Kai Enthusiast Joined: 08 Apr 2006 Posts: 268

-llnk- wrote:

Thanks for listening to my drama.

your welcome

Kai Beginner Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 13

Listen dude... Anytime you need anything - or just a person to talk to... message me.

My msn is Tetsuoakira@gmail.com

Anything at all dude.

things will work out Smile

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

[HSM]Prometheus wrote:

Listen dude... Anytime you need anything - or just a person to talk to... message me.

Thanks man, I don't think one on one conversations will do it for me. I like having open discussions and talking to my kai buddies online in a forum. I have lots of friends and family in real life as my support group, but it'd be nice to hear from people who don't really know me in real life.

PS. I'm 3/4 done my bottle of wine.

Team XLink Clan Manager Joined: 03 Aug 2006 Posts: 1595

I hope you guys will end up getting married...be optimistic about her parents' decision to separate...it might work out and end up being for the better of the 2 of you...and whatever you do dont get her parents discontent with you as a person...always be nice to them

Whatever comes out of this situation, dont ever leave her to take care of the baby by herself...there are a lot of guys that do that and its wrong...

I really hope the best comes out of this for you man...truly...

Kovert

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 03 May 2004 Posts: 2075

llnk the genetic jackhammer! Go tiger. Smile

You're obviously a bit emotional about the news. A blessing and a shocker at the same time. Glad to hear you tried to do the honourable thing.

You asked for advice/support so I'm afraid I'm going to offer it. Razz

Twenty-one is not that young. She's a woman and the fact she went running home to mommy speaks volumes about where you stand with her. Her parents want her back in the nest and want to keep you as far away as possible so that they can drill in to her how horrible you are and further drive the wedge between you. But I'm not saying anything you don't know am I? She's no fool either, I assure you. If you want to keep her in your life, you need to make sure she knows that you support her decisions even though you may disagree with them. Make it clear to her and her family you are interested in doing the right thing by talking to her about the future and providing for the baby.

One last thing: insist the baby has your last name.

-p

Kai Regular Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 184

Hey man, sorry to hear about the whole relationship ordeal, but the idea of becoming a father should be pretty cool. I'm sure if you just tough it out for now things will get better. Best of luck to you and your child
Smile

Kai Lover Joined: 23 May 2004 Posts: 585

Heck of alot to take in huh?

My advice?

First off, you won't find any answers in a bottle of booze, so dont go looking there!

It can only help you concentrate on the negative things. Alcohol is after all a depressant. (actually for the pedantic it produces biphasic responses of of both depressant and stimulant effects, depending on individuals, mood, dose etc).

Anyhoo, I have had a good number of very close friends who have found themselves in the position that you now find yourself in and they were all bar none, scared witless and like you they all stepped up and offered to do the right thing.

By demonstrating that they understood the circumstances they are in and accepted all of the associated responsibilities they were able to work things out.

Years on all of these buddies of mine are still with their wives and kids, and all of them are doing great.

If you are serious about her, and your responsibilities, her parents will notice and things will work out.

Give it time.

Kai Spammer Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Posts: 1332

Congratulations llnk.

Keep on track Exclamation

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

I sure am regretting that bottle of wine right about now... i passed out shortly after my last post. Thanks for all the kind words and advice everybody. I'm feeling pretty lost right now so every comment helps.

I'm going to spend these 2 months trying to get my life back on track. I need to get a real job, right now i only work an hour or two a day and made enough money just to pay all my bills. I'm living almost debt free so it's never been an issue until now.

Quote:

First off, you won't find any answers in a bottle of booze, so dont go looking there!

Yea i know, that was hopefully just a one time thing.

Quote:

If you want to keep her in your life, you need to make sure she knows that you support her decisions even though you may disagree with them. Make it clear to her and her family you are interested in doing the right thing by talking to her about the future and providing for the baby.

One last thing: insist the baby has your last name.

Thanks, that's really good advice!

Team XLink Baker Joined: 18 Jun 2004 Posts: 676

Hey llnk

I thought I would chime in and give you the womens perspective.

I will try and be sensitive to your feeling but I feel that I would not be a good friend if I did not tell you straight up what I see as going on here.

The worst thing that can possibly happen is to be separated from each other right now. If you hope to possibly have any type of future together then you need to start making decisions together about your future.

The fact that she went running home to Mommy and Daddy speaks volumes. She might be confused as you have only been together for such a short period of time however I think that running away from issues never solves anything.

She is a 21 year old adult after all and should be able to take control of a situation and deal with whatever the outcome may be.

llnk you are an honorable man and I have the utmost respect for you. You tried to do the right thing and she was unwilling so not much you can do now with regards to marriage unless she happens to change her mind.

I wish you all the best and I hope that everything works out the way you want it to.

Gunny

Team XLink Moderator Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 267

Congrats my friend Very Happy

Kai Lover Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 957

Congratulations form the Netherlands ! Razz

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 21 May 2004 Posts: 3354

You are done...

Grats

Kai Enthusiast Joined: 16 Apr 2005 Posts: 236

llnk in Hellas we have a motto "If groom and bride wants, blindness to father-in-law" and means if you want HER and she wants YOU , no one can break up your relationship. So one advice i have to you: Ask her if she really really wants to be with you and if she really really like to keep your baby. If she asks "yes" on both go get her. If one fails...forget about it...send flowers.

Tip: Tell her that it's her life and she can do anything she wants. You're going to live together and not with her parents for the rest of your life. Parents dies someday and she will be alone. If they want to support the daughter, they can do it with her way.

Cheers for the baby!

Best regards
Alex

,RIMPAPAKION

Kai Beginner Joined: 11 Jun 2005 Posts: 39

Well said Rimpapakion.... damn long ass name lol

I was a very young mother, I was 17 when I had my daughter... and even though, i had all of those mixed, confused feelings. I dealt with what was at hand and what would be for my life (not my mothers or fathers) and the father of my baby too.
He fought for us... even though that fight was not hard, I loved him and I loved that fact that he was so responsible when both of us hadnt been. Im sure it isnt easy, as it never really is unless you are married and have planned for a family. Its a surprise... so go with what you truly desire and if she is thinking differently then lean on your friends and family to work through it. In the end, what is meant to be will be.

Kai Enthusiast Joined: 16 Apr 2005 Posts: 236

Ballistik !!

You can use Alex instead RIMPAKAKION (the RIM in the front is for RIMMERS CLAN...anyway)

You said the right words...Its a surprise and the must go with their truly desires. In the end , what is meant to be will be.
Smile

Team XLink Administrator Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 1697

Thanks for all the kind words and advice people.

I'm still in the same boat. Tami is still in Nelson and we really miss each other. We've been talking on the phone every morning and evening, sending emails and text messages. She has already told her parents that she wants to come back to Vancouver but they don't think she's ready.

Her parents have decided that they want Tami to write in a diary every day. They want to be able to read her diary whenever they want so they can decided when she's "mature" enough to leave home. I think this is a huge invasion of Tami's privacy but she's willing to do whatever it takes to get back to Vancouver.

Her parents have been talking with their friends about our situation. Apparently all of their friends think that separating us was wrong, and that we should definitely move in together. Tami seems to think that she should get her own apartment in Vancouver and only move in with me once we're married. i think her parents influence have changed her opinion on this because last week she was willing to move in with me to stay in Vancouver.

Tami believes that her parents will "disown" her (again) if she goes against her their wishes. While meeting with them I asked if that was the case. The said No, however if she went against their wishes they wouldn't give us their blessings.

Now Tami needs to decide what she wants more... her parents blessings, or me.